It's already May...the year is almost half way over and I can't wait to see what the rest of this year will bring. Updates...the friendship I had with Cassie is now completely over and it was for the best. God is good and He knows what I need in my life. Not having her in it is incredibly hard some days, but I feel some sort of relief without her by my side. Losing her only made me closer to Nicole. Gosh, what a true bestfriend she is. I literally sit here and tear up thinking how blessed I feel to have her in my life. A boss and bestfriend in one...who could ask for anything more? Well, maybe a raise :)

Another new event is my exhusband is moving to OKC in May, which is only 1 1/2 hours away from me and my daughter. I'm happy that he'll be much closer for her sake, she needs him to be more active. Unfortunately, he is a man of excuses. I pray that he steps up and actually becomes the father he thinks he is. I've never considered him a "dead beat dad" like I hear other people say about their exs. He's a good father...at least when he's around, which definitely isn't often enough. We are in May and the last time he saw her was December...that makes me sad. Being mommy and daddy isn't easy. So, I'm curious to see how things will be with him being so much closer!

Since my last blog, I have become a Make-A-Wish volunteer. What an amazing program to be a part of! I decided to volunteer for this organization because of what Emily went through when she was little. I know the pain they are going through and how hard they fight to get well. Creating such a special memory for these kids is so rewarding and such a joyous experience. I'm humbled to be a part of it all.

On a lighter note...I'm hoping my serial dating days are over! I have met a man named David. Where do I begin? I'm sitting here smiling while I try to put into words how I feel. We started dating about 6 weeks ago and it's been a non-stop can't wait to see him fest, since then! I adore this man. I can honestly say, I have never felt this way about a man in my entire life...which makes me incredibly scared and volunerable, but excited and curious too. He has met my bestfriends and I have met his. Nicole loves him and is convinced he is the one...although I'm pretty sure she has said that about a few guys in my past, hah...but I admit...the thought has crossed my mind too. I can't keep my mind off of him. I've never met a better man for me than him. Sometimes I feel like he's too good to be true. He is a man of God, he is loving, fun, active, talkative, considerate, thoughtful...just so many wonderful things. I feel like he is too good for me. I've heard it's supposed to be like that...feeling too good for one another. I know this is going to be hard to believe, but at age 25, I have never experienced true love. I have loved before...but it wasn't true love, just convenient love. I feel things with David that I have never felt before. Gosh, it makes me nervous. I don't put my heart out there often, because when I have...it's been trampled on. He's so different. I want so badly to give him my heart. I have actually caught myself almost telling him I loved him. I feel stupid about that...6 weeks...and I love this man? Is that possible? We both say we like eachother so much...but there is something in his eyes that tells me there is more. We are cautious, which is good....but goodness, I would love to be loved by him. Nicole told me I am "that girl" that all the other girls are jealous of now. Really?! I've always wanted to be that girl....and have that kind of relationship! He makes me happy. I'm excited to see how things go and I just feel lucky....so lucky.

So, wow...it's been almost a month since I've been on here. It's amazing how things can change in just a month. Here's a recap: me and that friend I talked about in my last blog still aren't really talking. She's asked me a few questions over email...I think she's secretly just trying to be nosey without being a real friend...not cool. Next week I start a class that's through my church "Choosing Healthy Relationships" like as in friends, significant others, work related, etc. It is one night a week for six weeks. Hopefully I'll get alot out of my $25! I think it will be a really beneficial class, but that friend (exfriend maybe?) will be there too! Let's all say it together...awkward! There's only 22 people in the class, so this should be interesting! Next update is that I met a guy named Jake (in the pic with me). I like this man quite a bit :) I've been told that I know exactly what I want and have also been told I flip men as fast as pancakes. Is that bad? Ok, so I might be a serial dater...but I know what I'm looking for, so if I can tell they aren't it in the first couple dates...they are flipped, ie. dumped. I don't see that as bad, just smart. Anyways, back to Jake...amazingly handsome, smart and genuine. We laugh too much and have many of the same quirks. I'm excited to see how things go with him. My final update is that I've lost 34.2 pounds since the end of April!!!!!! I'm so excited about that. I'm determined beyond belief and I can't wait until I get to my goal weight!

I always say "we'll see" about things I don't want to get too excited for...future of relationships, a big bonus, how many pounds I'll lose next month. So all of that above is in my "we'll see" category! We'll see how things go....

Why does dating have to be so difficult? I've been told by too many people that I'm a "good catch"...well, if I'm such a good catch why do I have such a hard time finding a good guy? I swear I attract cheaters like a moth to a flame! So, I went on a date last night...gosh I go on alot of dates. Anyways, we went to dinner and the conversation was really great. He's stable, funny, great job, kind, christian...all good things. Then I start analyzing everything (bad habit). I keep looking at how skinny he is. Now most of my friends know I have a "type"...I like the man's man, country boy, tall, dark hair, charming, sometimes stocky and even men with a little belly. I couldn't help but to glance at my date's arms as he was talking and thought, gosh they are as big as my forearms! Then I glanced at his knee/thigh, since he was wearing shorts and thought, great his thigh is the size of my calf. Seriously could I feel any more inadequate? I would love to take the weight I've been losing and pack it on to him. He called me after the date and said what a great time he had with me and then showered me with compliments, which of course made me blush but was wonderful to hear. He said I looked uncomfortable (ya think?) and that I was "fidgety"...true. I told him I felt a little uncomfortable because he had a different body style then what I'm used to and it just made me more self conscience. Why do I even open my mouth and say these things I'm wondering? He confessed how much he hates that he's skinny and has to gain weight. He loses weight when he's stressed and has been stressed at his job for a long time. He said "well, you keep losing the weight you want and I'll get beefed up for you"...I honestly thought that would be soooo great. Cause as of right now, I look at him and I'm not physically attracted to him what so ever...besides his face. Great face! I wish I could be that girl that has a fun date and just looks forward to the next, but I'm not that girl. I sit here and think about things I'm not sure about...things I like...and things he might have problems with. Why do I do this? So, my conclusion on dating is that it's tough stuff damnit! I told a girl at work yesterday "Dating isn't easy. You aren't going to find Mr.Right at the beginning. You are gonna see bad and good ones. They aren't all Mr.Right, be patient"....I need to take my own advice!